Are Differences in Sexual Desire Affecting Your Relationship?

Do you and your partner fight over the amount of sex you have? Does one of you want more while the other one does not? If so, read below to learn more about how to solve this bedroom problem.

Again!! Vs. Again??

A sexual relationship is an important aspect of a romantic relationship. Fighting about sex can cause problems for many couples. One of the most common cycles couples find themselves in is when one partner wants to increase the frequency of sex while the other is either happy with the current amount of sex or may want less sex.

Tips for the Higher Desire Partner

“Why doesn’t my partner want me like I want him/her? Having sex is important to me- why doesn’t he/she get it?”

The more your partner pulls away from you and avoids sexual situations, the more you may feel frustrated or hurt that your partner does not want you as much as you want him or her.

  1. Be Understanding. When you are feeling upset about this problem, try to remember it may not be about you. There may be other reasons your partner is not as interested in sex including physical issues or feelings of inadequacy your partner has about him/herself.
  1. Back Off. As much as you are attracted to your partner or want to initiate sex, try not approaching him or her about the topic for a while. Sometimes the person with lower sexual desire just needs more time to recharge and not feel pressured. Without the added frustration or anxiety about fighting about sex, it may be more likely to happen.

Tips for the Lower Desire Partner

“All my partner wants to do is have sex. There are other ways to be intimate!”

The more your partner pushes you about sex, the more you may avoid any kind of sexual situation with your partner. You may feel hurt that your partner doesn’t think other forms of non-sexual intimacy such as emotional intimacy or physical closeness are not enough.

  1. Be Understanding. Try to get a good sense of why your partner wants to have more sex. Is it because he/she feels emotionally close during sex?  Or is it just a natural difference between the two of you.
  1. Be Vocal. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s pressures for sex, you may be withdrawing from all sexual intimacy. But there may very well be sexual things you DO want that you’re not getting.  So, ask your partner for those things!  Your partner will probably welcome your sexual interest, even if it’s not exactly what he/she had in mind.

Tips for Both Partners

  1. Schedule Sex. Yes, we know that doesn’t sound very sexy. But, if you and your partner can agree on a schedule when you’re likely to both be in the mood, then you don’t have to worry that a sex drought will last longer than that or worry that your partner will be constantly pressuring you for sex. Of course, you’re probably going to have to compromise on the frequency of that schedule – your partner will want to schedule it more or less often than you do.
  1. One- Sided Sex. Talk with your partner about things you both would be willing to do when one of you is in the mood and the other isn’t. That way, you can both enjoy yourselves without pressure being put on either person. Of course, you don’t want all of your sex life to be one-sided, but it can be a good thing if done occasionally.
  1. Complete a Free, Online Self-Help Program. Consider working on your relationship through our proven, self-help relationship program. Our program is developed by leaders in the fields of couple therapy and pre-marital education and has been shown through extensive research to improve relationships – more than in-person classes and almost as much as marriage counseling. You’ll work with your partner to complete online activities and receive free support from one of our program coaches. Our program is developed by leaders in the fields of couple therapy and pre-marital education. So, you can be confident that it’s the best thing you can do to strengthen your relationship without the hassle and cost of a therapist. Not sure your partner would go for it?  Take a look at these tips for how to introduce the idea. To find out more about our program, go to our home page.