March 25, 2019

Let’s Talk About Sex: How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship

Nearly half of women want to have more adventurous sex. Most couples want more sex in general. Figuring out how to get the spark back is often a matter of conquering the ego.

There is hope for any couple out there struggling to return to their early days of regular intimacy. It’s going to take some self-reflection, dedication, and consistency. The solution may even be found outside the relationship.

First, let’s take a look at some practical solutions to find the lost spark in a relationship. Here are our top picks for steps that you can take today to reignite that sexual fire.

More Romantic Dates

After the first few years, most couples start to become less interested in dating. It’s this complacency that waters down the level of romance between each other. Don’t settle for mediocre for the sake of convenience or laziness.

Plan a night out every week to go on a date and end with a night of sex. Give your partner something to look forward to every week. Reward them with a little pampering and you’ll soon get those juices flowing again.

Explore Your Partner’s Needs

Communication is the backbone to any healthy relationship. Sexual needs often take the back burner for topics of discussion, unfortunately. Couples therapy is often misinterpreted as only something for relationships on the rocks.

The truth is, if you can’t or won’t talk about each other’s needs, then maybe someone else can. In fact, you may not even know that your partner craves more sex, a particular type of sex, and more exploration. If you can’t flat-out ask them, then consider other avenues to start the conversation.

Don’t Fear the Kink

BDSM, poly, and pansexual adventures can transform the entire relationship. It isn’t just about the sex itself, either. Couples that are more open to trying new experiences, stay together longer.

Don’t know where to start? Ease into the kinkier lifestyles by joining Facebook groups together and starting a conversation. BDSM and poly couples that have a lifetime of experience together will make your kinky fun safe and enjoyable.

Sexual Health

Addressing any underlying conditions that prevent you from having sex normally is key. Ignoring these problems or hiding them from your partner is selfish. Common conditions like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or inability to orgasm are treatable.

You have to diagnose the source of these sexual problems or they will only get worse. ED can be treated with medications or a complete lifestyle change. Remember, stress affects many aspects of our sexual health, for men and women.

Men struggle with performance, while women lose libido or the ability to orgasm altogether. Discuss this with your partner and start taking back your sex life.

Sweat it Out

Speaking of a healthy lifestyle, partner exercise sessions can enhance sex drive and performance. Exercise helps get those endorphins going, improving your mood, desire, and confidence. Do a round of exercise in the morning, get the blood pumping, and end with a romp.

The increase in circulation will increase pleasure, intensity, hardness, and stamina for both parties. The sweat also ads to the experience, as our natural pheromones trigger the inner-animal.


The physiological action that regular exercise provides is just one way to get things started. When you’re both sitting on the couch with nothing to do, kick things off with some foreplay. Taking things slowly allows you to enjoy the moment without having to worry about performance.

Women, in particular, have a difficult time jumping straight into sex. Their bodies have multiple erogenous zones. If you’re just hitting one key, it takes longer to warm up the entire instrument.

Plus, the act of worshiping and appreciating the entire body is an emotional experience. Men should also be more open to full-body foreplay. It’s a turn on for women to see their partner relaxed and confident with themselves.

Next time, try using various foreplay activities to warm up. Don’t rush this activity, it should naturally progress into sex, not be an obstacle.

Don’t Over-Analyze It

If you’re comparing your sex life to a magazine article in the grocery store, you’re setting yourself up for failure. Sexperts aren’t substitutes for counselors or doctors. Don’t abide by rigid numbers of “sex goals” or funky bedroom positions.

You can’t purchase that sexual spark back, no matter how many trendy sex toys or items you buy. There are few exceptions, like if your partner has never owned a vibrator, but you have to work on core issues first. What you “should” do and what magazines suggest usually don’t line up.

Spunky Spontaneity

This last piece of advice is probably the one most uttered, but it’s still relevant. Spontaneous sex is the best sex. Period. Wake your partner up with sex. Walk behind them in the kitchen and bend them over.

Do some covert public petting and touching. This is the type of stuff that keeps couples feeling young again. Combine this level of spontaneity with planned dates, getaways, and presents. Send your partner a text telling them to expect something when they get off to work.

Add a naughty wink to your text and you’ve just revved up their engine for the rest of the day. Be creative with your surprises and your love life will be anything but routine.

Finding Out How to Get the Spark Back

Did our guide get ideas flowing through your head? We hope it has given you something to build upon. Whatever you do, don’t give up on a romantic relationship that has turned cold.

People can change, they will learn how to get that spark back if they see you making an effort. It takes two to tango, but it might take a teacher to show them the steps. With our experienced couples counselors, you can save your relationship from fizzling out.

Contact us today to learn more about how we can help you get the spark back.

Grant Funding

Funding for these programs was provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number 90FM0063

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