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May 27, 2019

How to Stay Physically Intimate When Your Life Gets Busy

Maybe you are both working, a traveling frequently, answering emails at all hours. Maybe one is working at home raising the kids, while the other is launching a startup. You are both so busy and exhausted that you may not have been physically intimate for weeks, even months.

When couples can’t find time for romance, their relationships suffer. You may find you are fighting more frequently, talking less, and feeling resentful.

How can you make time to be physically intimate when life gets really busy? Here are ten tips on how to salvage your sex life, and why it’s important.

1. Make a Date

Scheduling sex may sound like a real buzzkill, but sometimes it is necessary to be as organized about this part of your life as you are about everything else.

Just because you schedule some intimacy time, it does not mean it has to be boring or pedestrian. In fact, scheduling it gives you time to find that pretty lingerie in the back of your drawer, or jump in the shower after work.

Show your partner that you are still as excited to be physically intimate with them as you were at the very beginning of the relationship.

2. Get a Babysitter

It’s hard for new parents to leave a newborn to go out on the town. It’s hard to leave clinging toddlers, or school-age children clamoring for attention and help with homework.

By the time you finish tending to the little ones, you probably aren’t feeling too keen on any physical intimacy.

Get some help. Ask your mother or the neighborhood teenager to babysit for a few hours. You need to remember you are grownups and there is more to love than changing diapers.

Book a motel room for a few hours, go park at a romantic lover’s lane! It’s worth the babysitting fees when you rekindle your passion for each other.

3. Go Away

Collapsing into the same bed every night, with texts pinging your phones and dogs and kids demanding attention–it’s not a recipe for exciting physical intimacy.

Sometimes you need to get away from it all. Even if you are very busy, you need to make time for your loved one away from the distractions of day to day life.

Maybe you can slip away to a mountain cabin out of cell phone range. Maybe you can afford to fly someplace warm, where you can swim in the ocean and remember how hot your partner looks in a bathing suit.

4. Talk About It

Talking about sex–or the lack thereof–can be uncomfortable. The more uncomfortable you feel with your partner, the less likely you are to have sex with them. It becomes a vicious circle.

Maybe your partner thinks you don’t feel attracted to her anymore. Maybe you think your partner is angry at you, when in fact he is just worried about something at work.

If you do not open up about the issues affecting your romantic life, they can fester and get worse.

5. Get Couples Therapy

Many couples having challenges seek help from a therapist or counselor. Sometimes the presence of a third party professional enables honest communication in a way that you both may have forgotten.

Not all therapy is expensive. There are effective online programs for couples seeking help in their relationships.

6. Try Massage

Reviving physical intimacy does not always have to involve actual sex. Sometimes couples need to become comfortable touching each other first.

If you are overwhelmed and tense after a long day, ask your partner to massage your shoulders or your neck. Even a long, slow foot massage can prove relaxing and sensual.

Focusing on each other and each other’s bodies can help bring you two together when outside life intervenes.

7. Watch a Sexy Movie

Anything is fine between consenting adults. In order to breathe new life in a relationship where the romance has taken a back seat, you may want to get a little adventurous.

Watch something sexy on TV. Dress up. Visit an adult store and buy some novelties like toys or lotions.

You may end up laughing, or loving it! No matter what, it can break down inhibitions and make life in the bedroom interesting again.

8. Look at Your Own Issues

Sometimes one individual in the relationship may need extra support. Before addressing the relationship issues, you may need to look into past traumas or issues which are currently affecting your present.

Being in a long-term relationship can bring to light underlying issues out that we never knew where there. By working on your own challenges, you can clear away the troubles of the past and move forward in a healthy way.

9. Act Out a Fantasy

When real life gets busy, fantasy is a terrific outlet. Why not try a little role-playing with your partner?

If you are sick and tired of giving orders every day at the office, why not play submissive with your mate, and let them give the commands? Or pretend to be two strangers who are having a spontaneous tryst. Anything that gets you out of the same old routine is sure to add some spice to your love life.

10. Learn to Say No…and Yes

If you are extremely busy with work, family and other obligations and it is hurting your relationship, you need to occasionally say no. Turn off the email. Turn down the invitation to the conference or that dinner party.

Making your relationship a priority is essential to reviving physical intimacy and keeping love alive. You need to say “No” to the people demanding your time, and “Yes” to the most important person who truly deserves it.

Making Time to Be Physically Intimate: You’re Never Too Busy for Love

When you take time to be physically intimate in your relationship, you can improve trust and communication with your partner. By seeking help from professionals, you can find your way back from any distance that has grown since life became so busy.

When you acknowledge that life has gotten in the way and you make affirmative steps to reconnect, you can both find fulfillment that extends beyond the physical.

For more information on improving your relationship, contact us.

Grant Funding

Funding for these programs was provided by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant Number 90FM0063

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