June 3, 2019

7 Signs You and Your Partner Could Benefit From Couples Counseling

Your marriage has problems.

But, that’s okay, every marriage does! Many of these everyday issues can be overcome with some conversation and compromise.

How do you know when your problems could use outside help like couples counseling?

There’s no perfect answer, but talking to a therapist is almost always a good idea. You might feel embarrassed at first, but a therapist isn’t there to judge. They just help you work through your troubles and give you tools to communicate better.

Having trouble working through problems with your significant other? Read on for 10 common signs that you and your partner might benefit from couples counseling.

1. You’re Always Having the Same Fights

If you’re having the same fights over and over again, that’s a good sign that a therapist might be needed to help resolve it. It’s not helpful to just argue in circles.

That’s true even if the recurring fight is something small.

You and your partner might constantly argue about doing the dishes. On their own, dirty dishes probably won’t put an end to your marriage. However, if it’s causing tension on a daily basis, that little fight might be a sign of a larger issue.

When your partner always neglects the dishes it might make you feel like you have no support. You might also feel that lack of support in other areas in your relationship.

The dishes just become an easy thing to fight about, when really there’s something bigger at play.

2. You Never Fight

Daily blow-out fights are an obvious sign that a relationship is in peril. However, never fighting is also a big sign, it’s just a little harder to notice.

Fighting is natural in a long term relationship. If you’re not arguing once and a while, it might just mean you’re ignoring your issues altogether.

Never fighting probably means that there’s a breakdown in communication. When you’re not airing out your issues to each other it causes other problems.

You might begin to quietly resent your partner for something they don’t even know they’re doing. That resentment will build until it eventually explodes.

Going to a therapist together will help you to bring up issues in a safe, neutral environment. Your therapist will also teach you how to better communicate together at home.

3. Recent or Upcoming Life Changes

Big changes or traumas can rock a relationship. That could be a death, a move, a new job or anything else that disrupts you or your partner’s life.

You can visit a therapist after you’ve realized that this change is hurting your relationship. An even better idea is to talk to someone preemptively.

It’s always easier to talk about your concerns before they happen or become unmanageable. That way you can both be aware and sensitive when and if they do come up.

4. You’re Having Issues with Physical Intimacy

It’s to be expected that the raw passion you felt for your partner in the beginning will wane over time. But, if one or both of you are unhappy with your sex life, it might be time to see a therapist.

Physical intimacy issues can mean different things to different couples.

It could mean you’re on different pages about how often it should happen. Maybe one partner experienced a trauma that affects how they express physical intimacy. Perhaps you’re just not having any sex at all!

Either way, talking about your needs and desires with your partner can be difficult. You might feel embarrassed or afraid to hurt the other’s feelings. Having someone else there to guide you can make all the difference.

5. You Have Differing Views About Money

Aside from physical intimacy, finances is another common issue between couples. The way you spend and make your money affects both partners. If you have differing views on the subject, it can drive a huge wedge between you.

A person’s habits surrounding money is something that’s often deeply ingrained since childhood. If you have opposing views on the matter, it can be difficult to resolve it on your own. Because finances will always be a part of your lives together, this problem will keep coming up until it’s fixed.

6. You See Your Partner as the Problem

A relationship is more successful when both partners see themselves as part of a team. When it starts to feel like one person is the problem and becomes “the enemy” it might be time to talk to a therapist.

In this situation, your partner might not be pulling their weight within the team. However, they likely aren’t the whole problem. It’s important that both people see how their actions affect the relationship.

Learning what you are accountable for can be scary, but it’s healthy!

A couples therapist is not just a third party who will tell your partner why they’re wrong. They are there to work with both of you, so you can get on the same side again.

7. You’re Committed to Your Marriage

Do the other 9 signs not apply to you and your partner? Being committed to your relationship is as good a sign as any that you can benefit from couples counseling.

Your relationship doesn’t need to be in peril for you to talk to someone. Like a car, it’s helpful to do periodic maintenance so it runs better. Catching a problem early can mean avoiding a breakdown in the future.

When times are good, a therapist can help you both improve your communication skills. That way, when you hit a rough patch, you’re prepared to deal with it in a more productive manner.

Do You Think You Might Need Couples Counseling?

These are 7 signs that you might benefit from couples counseling. But, if you’re thinking about whether you need it, you probably do! There’s no shame in it- everyone can benefit from an outside perspective.

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